Personal – Page 2

Health

Eight weeks ago I fainted at work. I’d felt some back pain an hour earlier but nothing else. As I sat at my desk I could feel a rush of blood and my senses starting to go haywire and I blurted out to my colleague…I’m going to be ill. 30 seconds later I came round and was a bit lost. A couple of minutes later I was sweating. A couple of minutes later I was shaking. I was also struggling to breathe properly. What’s going on?

A few minutes later our emergency response team at work turned up, sat with me for a while then took me to the medical room and gave me oxygen. Not long after they called for an ambulance and before long two paramedics were on site and conducting an ECG and checking blood pressure. Apart from the shaking everything was checking out normal and after 20 minutes the shaking had subsided. Talking it through with the paramedics the best course of action was to take the day off, rest and get to my GP to check out what had happened. I lucked out and got an appointment later that same day but as time passed I was getting chest pains, pains down my arm and back and well…I won’t deny I was starting to worry about just what had happened in the morning.

The doctor was really good, checked my blood pressure again and assured me that it probably wasn’t heart related but more likely a muscle spasm. Blood tests were ordered and I was back at work a couple of days later still with the chest pains. As the week wore on things got worse. Waves of feeling sick and sore heads, chest pain worsening, pain in the left arm pretty constant and feeling cold most of the time. By Friday I was knackered and struggling to stay awake and when I got home I slept for 16 hours. The rest of the weekend was spent resting and on Monday I booked another GP appointment for the following Wednesday. I’d also lost 2kg over the space of 5 days. As diets go this was the best yet!

By the day of the appointment I’d gotten good news in that almost all my blood results were good with one marginal. However the GP appointment didn’t go well and it felt I was wasting her time despite feeling awful and my condition changing since I visited her colleague last week. She referred me to a heart specialist and also gave me an angina spray…which shouldn’t be taken by migraine sufferers i.e. me.

A couple of weeks passed until I visited the heart clinic. During that time I’d have good and bad days but the weight came back on and I was feeling less tired but the chest and arm pains remained. More good news from the hospital checkup in that the specialist was 95% sure that whatever was happening to me wasn’t heart related but maybe a viral infection attacking the heart or a slightly enlarged heart. Unfortunately it may take another few weeks to pass and if it doesn’t get back to the GP.

A few weeks did pass and last week I was back at the GP’s to try and get some help as pains, heads and sickness were less severe but didn’t seem to be leaving me anytime soon. The doctor was excellent and this time has diagnosed a non heart related issue as the cause of my woes. I’m now on a course of tablets and had an x-ray last week to rule out anything else. The pains while still there seem to be dissipating and I’ve taken a week off work to rest up and relax to help speed the recovery.

What I’ve missed the most is running. As the season changes into Autumn/Winter I love going out for a run, seeing the autumn colours and enjoying the colder mornings. It’s almost nine weeks since my last run and the way things are going I’m looking at probably next year before I can get out there again. I’ll probably start slowly and follow a couch to 5k program to get me back up to speed. Also frustrating is how unpredictable this is. One hour I’m fine, a couple of hours later I have zero energy and think I’m about to puke. An hour later and it’s passed and I feel not too bad again. Other days and it can be all day that I feel lousy.

Despite this I’m feeling pretty lucky as I’ve been checked for all the serious stuff and it’s come back negative and visiting hospital brings into sharp focus those that are really ill against those that are complaining about a cough or cold. I’m also thankful for the NHS which in general has been really good while clearly struggling with funding. That we are renewing Trident while the NHS falls around us boggles my mind. The SNP also need to focus on governing rather than banging the independence drum as it’s on their watch that the NHS in Scotland has declined the most.

Here’s hoping my next health related post is from a running injury!

Comic Con

I do love me a comic or two but I’ve never seen the big draw of visiting a Comic Con. However with me and Shak picking up new camera’s (more on that soon) it seemed a good excuse to visit one and also try the new camera’s.

We went on Sunday and it was pretty busy, but not as busy as Saturday. By far the biggest thing there was cosplay.

There was loads of folk dressed up, some with just minor costumes but most had make a tremendous effort for the show. Also common were ‘free hugs’ signs which the cynical in me was a bit suspicious of but the overwhelming mood looked to be positive and the event was notable for no aggro, no wee neds and just good natured fun.

For me it was a bit dull though and I didn’t see much to buy. Load’s for the cosplayers but not so much for comic fans…or maybe I just didn’t spot the right shops in amongst the mobs.

As for the camera, it worked really well although I need to get used to using a prime lens and get in a bit closer to subjects. A confidence thing as I could see others doing it but it all felt a bit weird to be doing. More photo’s from Comic Con are on Flickr. Comic Con was interesting more than enjoyable but at least I’ve been to one as I can’t see me rushing back.

Graduation

It’s graduation season and with one of my colleagues son’s graduating last week it made me realise that it’s 20 years since I graduated from Glasgow University. 20 years ago today to be precise.

We’re all a little older and greyer and a bit more soft around the edges but it still doesn’t feel like twenty years since I finished at Glasgow. Time flies.

Grumbles

A pretty glum weekend all round. No one reason but a culmination of issues and niggles all of which are in my own gift to fix. Mostly.

Knee
Not quite sure what I’ve done but my knee is giving me problems for the first time. Had it for a few weeks and it wasn’t really stopping me running although the last run was more difficult than normal. An hour after the run and it was pretty sore and in certain positions it is really sore, like something is ripping at the knee. I’ve given it almost total rest this weekend and I’ll go easy for the next couple of days but it shows no sign of improving. Next step is to visit a physio and try and get to the bottom of the problem. I really missed doing any running or exercise this week and I don’t want it to turn into anything serious. Running/walking is great for de-stressing and clearing my head so I don’t want to go without it for too long.

Work
I keep work talk to a minimum but two issues are getting to me – meetings and e-mail. The volume of meetings is getting a bit OTT, to the point that I struggle some days to get any work done due to back to back meetings. My Todoist stats show the impact – no work tasks done on Thursday just…meetings. I’ve also spent the weekend catching up and doing my favourite task – PowerPoint presentations. There’s a definite knack to doing these, one that I don’t have. Still, broke the back on them.

Next issue – email. There’s nothing better than getting energy sapping nit picky admin e-mails on a Friday and it’s becoming a trend. I’m going to make sure that I don’t become guilty of doing the same but there’s little I can do to stop anyone else doing it…and it also shows my general state of mind that I’m letting things like that get to me. But still…if you’re in a position that you need to send out admin mails from time to time have a think about how you word it. Makes all the difference.

Man Up
So no biggies but all the same, it’s meant for a pretty miserable weekend. Not only that the TV is constantly reminding me that it’s a bank holiday weekend but not for me as I’m at work tomorrow. I’ve also got a head cold. And I’ve burnt my hand in the oven. Grumble grumble grumble.

But it’s fine really. Even writing this has helped. Perspective. If this is all thats bothering me I need to man up.

2015

One year on and this still stands. The only person that can change things is me.

I made no resolutions last year so 2014 was a great success! This year I’ve set some goals and also thought about the longer term. In five years what do I want to have accomplished? Where do I want to be? To do that, what do I need to do now? I’ve no intention of sharing them apart from one – get less stressed! I’ve had three weeks off from work which has allowed me to look back on the last year, particularly the last three months. Back to back illnesses and a root cause for many of them could be stress. It might not have been, but I’ve been illness free over the break so I’m putting 2 + 2 together. I fell back into the habit of working most weekends as well as the usual through the working week leaving not much me time or chance to relax and prepare for the week ahead. That will change this year.

The festive break was great as it allowed me to fix a lot around the house. I say fix, it was really organise and clear out a lot of junk. Both physically and digitally. Office, attic and garage all cleaned out with lots of trips to the local dump. Feel so much better with that all organised. Digitally it was chance to catch up on Pocket and podcasts that I’d fell behind on. Hopefully in 2015 podcasters with nothing to say in December will take a break like we do! The podcast site also got a new lick of paint with a new logo in the works too.

I’ve maintained the running and the weight is static too (81-83kg throughout the year) so no major fitness changes this year apart from maintain. Sunny mornings in Glasgow really make up for the rain the rest of the time!

Happy New Year and all the best for 2015.

Still Running

Three years ago I bought some proper shoes so I could start running. I lasted 4 weeks. The year after, two weeks. Useless. July 14th 2013 I gave it one more go….and this time it stuck.

In the last year I’ve:

Ran 463 miles
Ran 110 times
Averaged 4.21 miles for each run, much higher than expected
Seen a lot of Glasgow
Realised that I love running in winter, summer…not so much
Tracked all my runs in RunKeeper

I mention RunKeeper for a good reason. Firstly it’s free and using it’s 5k training plan it got me running on a varied program which kept it interesting and challenging. Secondly I can download all the GPX files (XML file of GPS waypoints) and produce graphics like this.

Where I ran in 2014. Each run mapped onto a Google Maps export.

When I read the Flowing Data post called Where People Run in Major Cities and saw the visualisations they had produced I knew I wanted to do the same. I worried I wouldn’t have done enough runs with variety but I’m pleased with how it came out. I’m also surprised at some of the area’s I haven’t run in which means some good options going forward. Nothing better than running somewhere new to keep things interesting. RunKeeper also exports your data in csv so you can graph it with ease.

Lessons I’ve learned over the last 12 months are obvious really with hindsight but worth repeating. Firstly, always stretch, warm up and warm down properly before and after each run. I’ve got lazy with this sometimes and can feel little niggles creep in when I don’t do this properly. Secondly – listen to your body. If you are feeling a bit under the weather or are carrying an injury then tailor the run accordingly. Third – BFH – bus fare home. A couple of times on longer runs I’d be three miles from home, feeling a bit sore, tired or ill and no money to get a bus or taxi home. So I carry a small bit of money on those longer runs just in case. Fourth – hydrate. Don’t underestimate how much fluid you will lose on hot long runs. Plenty of water before and after should see you through a run up to 10km but anything more then I’d carry some water to keep me going. Finally, enjoy it and keep the routes varied. I struggled to get going at first as I stay on a hill and the climb back at the end always defeated me. Building up on a flat canal close to home got me running further and further until I’d got a large enough base to tackle hills. However it was getting boring running up and down the same stretch of water so it was great to branch out and vary my runs.

Looking forward I’ve some small goals to keep me going:

Run 500 miles in a year. Narrowly missed this year but if I keep consistent and injury free it should be achievable
Improve speed
Buy new shoes as the current ones are starting to get a bit done. A trip to Achilles Heel is in order.
I’m interested in measuring heart rate but hanging fire on getting anything until Apple announce…something?
Play some more with R. Some interesting data in those RunKeeper files.
One thing I won’t be doing is entering any races. I don’t know why but racing just doesn’t appeal to me.

So thats my running year. I still can’t believe I’ve been out over 100 times but looking forward to 100 more. At least.

Onwards

Another year passes and like 2013 I’m making no resolutions that I’ll beat myself up about in 12 months time. Lesson learned…or is it learnt? A picture says 1000 words (thanks Shak).

2013 saw me turn 40 and unexpectedly get into running and lose some more weight. I finished the year under 13 stones after losing around a stone since the start of 2013. A little has crept on over the past month and no doubt some more will creep on over the coming weeks – it always does as I work through Christmas leftovers, but I’m really chuffed at taking weight off after stagnating for a year or two. The biggest surprise was running. I bought running shoes in 2011 but could never get into it. Couldn’t improve with the local hills killing me. In July I gave it one more go using the flatter canal paths and I slowly improved. From struggling to run a mile I can now go out for hour long six mile jogs around Glasgow. I never expected that and I really enjoy it too. Bonus. The rest of the year was a mixture of high’s and low’s but nothing too dramatic.

Happy New Year and all the best for 2014.

40

When this publishes I will officially be 40.

Woo.

Seemingly it’s all downhill from here, but when the hill’s not that big in the first place the decline is hardly noticeable. Or maybe it’s ‘life begins’? All I do know is I don’t have everything figured out yet and I still don’t feel like a grown up. Will that ever happen?

Like when I turned 30, I don’t expect much to change. I can’t see me slowing down or changing habits and I’m far more active than I was 10 years ago. It doesn’t change who I am. I’ve not given it much thought apart from realising that these milestone or event birthdays are starting to run out.

1,16,18,21,25,30,40,50,65,80,100

I’m probably missing some and 65 is changing for us ‘youngsters’ in that the expectation is I’ll work to 68 rather than the traditional retiring age of 65. Scarily still not reached the halfway point of my working life. Gulp.

Nevertheless, some big milestones have passed with less to come going forward. Probably more related to the work news last week, or maybe it’s a bit of both, but I do feel more than ever that I need a plan b. Something to mull over the coming weeks, especially as I have a four week break starting on Dec 10th. Happy days.

Onwards.

Always Lurking

He slips out of his lair. Sticking to the shadows he creeps ever closer waiting to make his presence felt. It starts painlessly, confusing and distracting so he can stay hidden. Is that him? He soon unleashes a blast of light confirming the worst. He’s back. Slow moving he intensifies the brightness before falling silent. Minutes pass.

Then it begins.

Stabbing at my eye. Over and over and over. The pain spreads. He’s now hammering my head with a bat. I feel sick but when I do vomit it doesn’t help. Only darkness can save me. Darkness and burying my head in a pillow. Darkness, pillows and drugs. Sleep. Please let me sleep. My saviours.

Hours pass.

I wake and he’s gone. Back to his lair. Back knowing he’s won again. Back knowing he will strike again and there is nothing I can do. What’s left are wounds. An aching head that will take hours and days to pass. Constipation thanks to the drugs. A lack of appetite and a massive drop in concentration. If that’s not enough the next night is usually light on sleep so even if the head has cleared a couple of days later I’m left drained. He wins again. The migraine always wins.

I’ve suffered from migraines for over 10 years now. They are far less frequent than when they started, when I used to get clusters of 2 or 3 per week, but probably average out at one a fortnight. I’ve got used to the pain and can spot the symptoms easily now. What I’ve not got used to is the disruption they cause. Take today. A lazy Saturday planned, trip out for some shopping and out of nowhere a migraine struck mid morning. Boom. Day spoiled.

I’m lucky in that I’ve an understanding boss that lets me work around the migraines when they strike during the week but the disruption to mine and others life really frustrates me. I always prided myself in not giving in to an illness but a migraine knocks me for six. I’ve never found my trigger and the majority of mine occur through the night or I wake up with the migraine already under way. For many stress is a trigger and I’ve always dismissed that as a cause as I never really feel stressed. Angry and frustrated at times but I’ve never thought of that as stress – maybe it is. Maybe I need to face up to that and deal with it better.

I’m also lucky as many migraine sufferers have it far worse than me. That doesn’t stop me dreading the next time the migraine leaves his lair.

20

8th May 1993. 20 years ago today. 20 years since my Dad passed away.

He’d suffered for over 5 months with throat cancer and the treatment meant day to day living was getting tougher and tougher. It got to the point that the end was inevitable and was in many ways a relief. It was horrible seeing him suffer so much and just fade away in front of my eyes – can’t imagine how he felt through it all.

I was 19 at the time and finishing off second year at Glasgow University. For me it was all a bit of a blur and if it wasn’t for Hamid and Shak I’d have struggled to get through it all. Uni was a distraction as I was two weeks from exams so I knuckled down and cracked on. I didn’t want to let my Mum and Dad down but it was tough on my Mum as she took on a lot after that until I picked up a job and started to bring in some cash. I also wasn’t the best at speaking to her. In many ways I’ve not changed and still bottle up my feelings.

This anniversary more than any other is in my mind. My Dad’s missed over half my life now. Missed graduating, my first job, my first car, moving home and so much more – time really does fly when you start to look back. He also died young – he was only 52 and later this year I’ll be 40 – only 12 years younger than when he died. Makes you think, well makes me think anyway. It was one of the reasons I kicked of the weight loss a few years back.

With all that in mind I keep coming back to Regrets of the Dying. That will not be me. I will also never forget what my friends did for me back then. Who knows what would have happened without them.