8th May 1993. 20 years ago today. 20 years since my Dad passed away.

He’d suffered for over 5 months with throat cancer and the treatment meant day to day living was getting tougher and tougher. It got to the point that the end was inevitable and was in many ways a relief. It was horrible seeing him suffer so much and just fade away in front of my eyes – can’t imagine how he felt through it all.

I was 19 at the time and finishing off second year at Glasgow University. For me it was all a bit of a blur and if it wasn’t for Hamid and Shak I’d have struggled to get through it all. Uni was a distraction as I was two weeks from exams so I knuckled down and cracked on. I didn’t want to let my Mum and Dad down but it was tough on my Mum as she took on a lot after that until I picked up a job and started to bring in some cash. I also wasn’t the best at speaking to her. In many ways I’ve not changed and still bottle up my feelings.

This anniversary more than any other is in my mind. My Dad’s missed over half my life now. Missed graduating, my first job, my first car, moving home and so much more – time really does fly when you start to look back. He also died young – he was only 52 and later this year I’ll be 40 – only 12 years younger than when he died. Makes you think, well makes me think anyway. It was one of the reasons I kicked of the weight loss a few years back.

With all that in mind I keep coming back to Regrets of the Dying. That will not be me. I will also never forget what my friends did for me back then. Who knows what would have happened without them.

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